Love Addiction 💙: Research of the Brain as it Relates to Romantic Love

Have you ever experienced a difficult break-up even though your partner was not the right person? You rationally knew they weren't for you, but emotionally you're attached to them. You obsessively think about your previous partner? Missing them? Wondering what they are doing? Are they missing you? Recalling pleasant memories over the course of your relationship? This blog will help you understand the strong attachment through a neurological perspective.

Helen Fisher is an Anthropologist who studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. Ms. Fisher's neuroimaging research attempts to understand romantic love. Her most recent research explores the similarities between romantic love and addiction. Ms. Fisher explains her research involved performing a functional MRI brain scanner on 17 people who reported being happily in love, and 15 people who reported recently being dumped... Her research study found that people who reported being in love experienced "a tiny, little factory near the base of the brain called the ventral tegmental area. We found activity in some cells called the A10 cells, cells that actually make dopamine, a natural stimulant, and spray it to many brain regions. Indeed, this part, the VTA, is part of the brain's reward system. It's way below your cognitive thinking process. It's below your emotions. It's part of what we call the reptilian core of the brain, associated with wanting, with motivation, with focus and with craving. In fact, the same brain region where we found activity becomes active also when you feel the rush of cocaine. But romantic love is much more than a cocaine high -- at least you come down from cocaine. Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You can't stop thinking about another human being. Somebody is camping in your head." Your thoughts, emotions, senses and feelings are consumed with your ex; it's a difficult process, no matter how much you want to stop thinking about them, you just can't. You feel powerless.

Ms. Fishers findings on people who were dumped were as follows, "we found activity in exactly same brain region associated with intense romantic love...when you've been dumped, you just love them harder. That brain system -- the reward system for wanting, for motivation, for craving, for focus -- becomes more active when you can't get what you want. In this case, life's greatest prize: an appropriate mating partner...Last but not least, we found activity in a brain region associated with deep attachment to another individual. When you've been rejected in love, not only are you engulfed with feelings of romantic love, but you're feeling deep attachment to this individual. Moreover, this brain circuit for reward is working, and you're feeling intense energy, intense focus, intense motivation and the willingness to risk it all to win life's greatest prize." As the saying goes, we want what we can't have; and the more we can't have it, the more we want it.

The research further explains the similarities on attachment and addiction, Ms. Fisher reported, "I've also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction: a perfectly wonderful addiction when it's going well, and a perfectly horrible addiction when it's going poorly. And indeed, it has all of the characteristics of addiction. You focus on the person, you obsessively think about them, you crave them, you distort reality, your willingness to take enormous risks to win this person. And it's got the three main characteristics of addiction: tolerance, you need to see them more, and more, and more; withdrawals; and last, relapse...romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on Earth."

What's the moral of the story? Romantic love is not rational. In fact, it can be obsessive, neurotic, harmful, unhealthy and an emotional rollercoaster. The cure? As with any addiction, have a plan in place.

1. Avoid people, places and things that trigger "craving" of that person. That means a no contact rule; do not call, text, or use social media in connection with your ex.

2. Establish a strong support system that can help and guide you through those "cravings". Someone to call or speak with when you're feeling like you want to reach out to the person. It's best to develop a plan on what measure that person will need to take to help you deal with the craving. Remember, you are not alone!

3. Most importantly, build a new life for yourself by finding new hobbies and exploring different things that might interest you. It's time you get to know yourself, and concentrate on what makes you happy. Refocusing your attention is essential.

4. Journaling, talking and writing about your feelings of grief, loss and cravings could be helpful.

5. If you get triggered, come up with a course of action, I.e. Walking, talking, writing, watching 📺, listening to 🎶 , drawing, working out etc. The idea is to create restriction with your impulses and attempt to work through the thoughts and feelings.

Please don't forget that this is a process and things will get better. There will be a time when your thoughts won't be consumed by the other person. Be kind and gentle with yourself; this too shall pass.

Watch Helen Fisher Ted Talk “The Brain In Love”: